FAQ

This is clearly a matter of national importance.

The generally accepted process is:

1. Boil the kettle.
2. Put tea in the mug.
3. Add boiling water.
4. Wait.
5. Remove tea.
6. Add milk.
7. Wonder why you didn't make two.

The precise amount of milk remains a matter for heated debate.

Tea

Tea first.

Obviously.

This is not something that requires further discussion.

Tea

Long enough to become tea, but not long enough to become a science experiment.

As a rough guide:

The final category is usually best poured away.

Tea

There are no rules.

A good breakfast might involve:

• Eggs
• Bacon
• Toast
• Cereal
• Fruit
• Porridge
• Something considerably less healthy

The most important ingredient is having enough of it.
And of course.. ..Coffee

Coffee

Probably not in the way the cereal companies would have us believe.

But eating something in the morning is generally preferable to surviving entirely on coffee until lunchtime.

There is no scientifically recognised number.

There is, however, a point at which your colleagues start looking concerned.

If you can hear colours, you've probably gone too far.

Coffee

This question has caused arguments that have ended friendships.

A good dunking biscuit needs to survive long enough to reach your mouth.

Structural integrity is therefore important.

• Excellent: Rich Tea, Digestive
• Risky: Chocolate Finger
• Absolutely not: Anything that disintegrates on contact with tea

Tea

Yes.

Or no.

The correct answer depends entirely on whether you want to start an argument.

Enough.

This is the only acceptable measurement.

If the potatoes are sitting in a dry landscape surrounded by a tiny puddle of gravy, there is not enough gravy.

This is getting dangerously philosophical.

For practical purposes, anything involving bread and something between or inside it is probably close enough.

Toasties, rolls, baguettes and wraps can all join the discussion.

Nobody needs to involve the legal profession.

Something that requires the minimum possible effort while still allowing you to claim that you cooked.

Good candidates include:

• Pasta
• Omelette
• Beans on toast
• Jacket potato
• Stir-fry
• Whatever is currently in the freezer

The important thing is to use a plate.

Because you didn't have to prepare it, cook it, serve it or wash up afterwards.

Science has yet to fully explain this phenomenon.

Usually, someone says:

"Dinner's ready."

If nobody says this, use your eyes, nose and common sense.

Do not use the smoke alarm as your primary cooking timer.